Choice

I have fallen into an old pattern. One in which I am not fond of. For the past month or so, I have fallen back into the tired, worrisome, sceptical self that I used to be.

Why?

It is because this is what I am familiar with I suppose. Breaking the thoughts of depression is sometimes like breaking through several brick walls. You just need to chip away at one wall, until you get to the next one. This wall has seemed to be the biggest one to chip through.

Some of it may very well be by choice. Sometimes, I am afraid of letting go. It is like my progress stops. I stay stagnant. I am afraid to make choices, to grow, to live. It leads me to have a lower quality of life. I do not get enough sleep. Do not eat well enough. Do not work out well enough. Do not relax enough. I just work, go home, worry, do nothing, and sleep late at night.

I thought, I made a choice months ago, not to let myself go down this path again. For a while, it was actually working. I think, some of it has to do with unreasonable expectations for myself. I was being unrealistic when I first started on my path to success. I am the most impatient person I know. I need to learn to let life work itself out sometimes.

My worrying let to my tired, sick state that I was this weekend. I do not want to experience that again. I feel like I crashed and burned. It is time to rise up and get back to where I was. I'm going to stop worrying (again). Do the best that I can, and stop being so sceptical.

This is my choice!

I am going be Realistic, Optimistic, Intelligent, Happy and Proud.

<3