Remembering How to Smile

In the past few months I have remembered how to smile.
It's such a nice feeling and I don't ever want it to go away.
I've learned so much from my friends and family.
I would not be where I am today without them.
I will do anything for my friends and family.
This blog, is dedicated to all who are in my life at the moment
your all so precious to me

Many of us have been there before
Faking our smiles, laughs and our tears

It's like playing pretend
Everyday of your life

For a long time
I was pretending

I built many walls surrounding my emotions
That way, I didn't have to show them
That way, Everyone thought I was fine
In reality, I was not.

Eventually, my emotions were too overwhelming to hold
They bursted out of the walls that I built around them,
Just like an atomic bomb

It tore through my soul like nothing I've ever felt before
All the sadness, dissapointement and regret crept into me all at once

I didn't know how to deal with it
It almost cost me my life

Finally, I started understanding my emotions
I started to feel happy

For some reason, I would not let myself smile too big, laugh out loud,
or open up to others, including myself

I was afraid of what would happen if I did let myself be overly happy
There was a point in time, when I was that happy
As time went on, I lost that happiness
I was scared that if I would let myself smile again, the way I want to smile, that I would only be hurt and more sadness would come upon me once more.
I was not sure if I could handle the dissapointement again

Today, I can say that there is hope
I am able to be happy again
It still feels like there is a dark cloud somewhere over my head
But peaking through it is a ray of sunlight so strong that I am sure no cloud can darken

As long as I reach for that ray of sunshine everyday
I beleive that the dark clouds will finally go away
I cannot wait for that day, because to me that will be a day without worry or pain in my heart
It will be the day that I become my true self.
I beleive, I am almost there.
I feel as though I can smile freely now, without any worry
All I need to do, is take a leap of faith
and those dark clouds will dissapear